Today, my girlfriend sent me a powerpoint detailing her case that I was cheating on her. She used my facebook, twitter, and pinterest as evidence. She was spot on. We should put a jealous women in charge of the FBI. They can uncover anything.

My girlfriend left her facebook logged in on my computer. Not realizing, I went on and started using it. I was going to log out right away, but a private album caught my eye. The only two people who had access were her and her best friend. They used it to upload photos off their poops and compare them to animals. The last picture uploaded this morning one was an ant-eater.

Half jokingly I posted, "I thought I had crabs. Turns out it was just lint." Minutes later an ex-posted "That's funny, because I think I caught your lint." Followed by another girl I hooked up with saying, "Me too." I think I'm gonna take a little break from facebook while this crabs/lint controversy blows over :)

When I logged in this morning I noticed the school bully was having a public break up with my crush up on his status. Feeling ballsy, I posted on his status "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." Twenty minutes later he proved me right when he came to my house to beat the shit out of me for calling his girlfriend an idiot.

Nothing ruins a relationship faster than a New Years Eve full of tagged photos of you passed out in a leopard print bed with 3 strangers and a midget in a santa suit.

I got tired of telling my girlfriend I was going to bed, then having to hold back from posting about my awesome night out on facebook, so I dumped both.

My mom changed my password and closed my facebook, because she's convinced that people can use that info to get into my bank account.

I copied and pasted what I thought was a funny status: "I will never go bungee jumping. A rubber breaking was the reason I was born, it sure as hell isnt going to be the reason that I die." I was pretty happy with my 17 likes, until my dad liked it and asked "When did mom told you?" I got outed in front of half my highschool class.

My boyfriend explained to me why I never met any of his friends. He thinks I look so great in my facebook pictures that he doesn't want to disappoint his friends by introducing me in person...and that I should take it as a compliment.

My friends started a tradition of tagging me as a pile of dog crap whenever they see one. Three years later: 947 pictures of me tagged as crap, 25 of me with friends.