Just found out my roommates live tweet my orgasms. This has been happening for the past 6 months.

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (New York)
  • RIP: 2010 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 5
Posted by: applesauce at 5:39 am January 16, 2012

Guess who wrecked her car updating twitter...again.

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (Utah)
  • RIP: 2009 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 15
Posted by: Beeee at 3:16 am December 20, 2011

I got drunk last weekend and tried to rally people to #occupymcdonalds after the cashier refused to serve me a kids meal.

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (New York)
  • RIP: 2008 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 15
Posted by: BKjournalist at 4:47 am December 16, 2011

Drunken: #blinddatewendysanal was either the low point or high point of my otherwse unventful twitter feed.

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (Virginia)
  • RIP: 2010 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 5
Posted by: Hashtagger at 4:59 am November 14, 2011

My pediatrician uncle used twitter to reminded me to check my poop for blood since I've had such bad diarrhea the past 2 weeks. Thanks

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (Ohio)
  • RIP: 2009 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 10
Posted by: AshleyT at 2:55 am November 2, 2011

Stalking was taken to a new level when I set my crush's facebook, twitter and myspace (which he hasn't been on in 2.5 years) to load when I open my browser.

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (Florida)
  • RIP: 2007 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 22
Posted by: Mrs. S at 4:18 am October 25, 2011

My wife just tweeted: "Pooping" Rip Twitter. Rip Marriage

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (Montana)
  • RIP: 2010 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 8
Posted by: free at 4:52 am October 21, 2011

If I put as much effort into looking for a job as I do to updating twitter/facebook I might be able to pay my gas bill on time.

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (Louisiana)
  • RIP: 2009 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 25
Posted by: Gasy at 5:42 pm October 14, 2011

My gf dumped me because I "always put her needs second." Her proof? I updated my twitter before answering her text.

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (New York)
  • RIP: 2009 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 15
Posted by: twit at 8:03 am October 14, 2011

After 20 minutes of talking to a girl I really liked I decided to be clever and ask for her twitter instead of phone number. I don't think @getalife is a her real handle.

  • Profile: Twitter
  • Location: United States (Utah)
  • RIP: 2010 - 2011
  • Hours/Week: 10
Posted by: gotalife at 2:24 pm October 12, 2011