In a panic, I closed my dating account today. I've been creeping on my boss everyday for the past 2 months. Apparently, the site notifies you every time someone views your profile. I found this out when she sent me an OkCupid message telling me to "get the fuck back to work."

I went on my first online date today. I was horrified to see that my date happen to sit next to a group of girls I knew. I was even more horrified when I came home and realized they "live tweeted" my entire date to the school.

He stopped me in the middle of a blowjob to feed his cat. I'm rethinking online dating.

One hour before meeting, he changed his profile picture to a chicken nugget nailed to a door. This should have been my first clue.

I had to deactive my OKCupid after being rejected by every redhead between the ages of 18 and 45.

After 3 months I finally received a message: "Is the blond behind you single?"

My wife said I should set up an online dating profile and find someone to mix things up in the bedroom. Three months later she uses the profile as proof that I was unfaithful in front of the judge. I never did get that threesome.

I got a message from a creep offering me $100 for sex. Right before I sent my scathing response he sent another message telling me that he sent it to the wrong person, ignore it and have a nice day. I don't know which made me feel worse.

I wrote on my profile that I would only date long haired musicians. My date showed up with a wig and kazoo.

I am suppose to meet the internet love of my life next week. I got a message from him today reading: "I saw someone buying a Cinnabon who looked a lot like you in the Johnson Walmart. Except much fatter." I just returned from a 30 minute drive to get some Cinnabon.