I captioned my profile picture: "Not sure if I'm ugly or just intimidatingly attractive." 10 people agreed, ugly.

My mom changed my password and closed my facebook, because she's convinced that people can use that info to get into my bank account.

I woke up this morning to look at my cracked iPhone. I was informed by my friends that I told it to " find cocaine" and got furious when all Siri would show me was rehab centers.

After 5 rounds of interviews, I got my application to work for the FBI rejected. Apparently, they're pretty good at finding old sex tapes.

Guess who wrecked her car updating twitter...again.

I copied and pasted what I thought was a funny status: "I will never go bungee jumping. A rubber breaking was the reason I was born, it sure as hell isnt going to be the reason that I die." I was pretty happy with my 17 likes, until my dad liked it and asked "When did mom told you?" I got outed in front of half my highschool class.

I went on my first online date today. I was horrified to see that my date happen to sit next to a group of girls I knew. I was even more horrified when I came home and realized they "live tweeted" my entire date to the school.

I got drunk last weekend and tried to rally people to #occupymcdonalds after the cashier refused to serve me a kids meal.

I got tired of giving my co-worker the, "Yes, I know we're both on a swingers matchmaking website. I won't tell anyone if you don't" look.

My boyfriend explained to me why I never met any of his friends. He thinks I look so great in my facebook pictures that he doesn't want to disappoint his friends by introducing me in person...and that I should take it as a compliment.