My professor used Farmville as an example in "Drugs and Addictions" class. A fact I missed during the lecture because I was to busy playing Farmville on my phone.

My roommate won't talk to me anymore because he thought it would be funny to create a fake dating profile and lead me on. That's when he found I like to bring these girls back to have sex on his bed. On the quilt his grandma knit him.

It took me a couple weeks to finally finish a poem that poured out my feelings and described how much I appreciated having this guy in my life. I've been in love with him for 2 years and I finally got enough courage to post it on his wall. A minute later I got 2 notifications, 1 saying that he liked my post and one saying he commented on it. His comment: "I liked your post just so I can unlike it."

My desktop folders: Myspace pics: 2,441 files, Cat: 823, Family photos: 75

I got drunk last weekend and tried to rally people to #occupymcdonalds after the cashier refused to serve me a kids meal.

One hour before meeting, he changed his profile picture to a chicken nugget nailed to a door. This should have been my first clue.

I added some random girl on Facebook at a party. A couple minutes later I had 25 photos of me uploaded and tagged from the past semester.

I woke up this morning to look at my cracked iPhone. I was informed by my friends that I told it to " find cocaine" and got furious when all Siri would show me was rehab centers.

While I was waiting to hear back from an interview, my friend thought it would be funny to take a picture of my morning wood and post it as my profile picture for my linked in account.

What's the difference between me and my dating profile? My online dating profile doesn't have herpes.